Clash Royale (Love to Hate It)

I sit here. Angry. I will uninstall this damn game for the 111th time tonight. Only to reinstall it again in less then 5 hours. I don’t know if you know the game I speak of or not, but I’m assuming you do. Everyone does. Everyone hates to love it.

I am a thirty something year old woman. The details of my exact age aren’t that important. Maybe to some but to bad because we are not going there. I play Clash Royale like there is no tomorrow. If you could get rich playing this game, I wouldn’t have to work another day in my life. There, I said it. I’m addicted to the game. Isn’t that the first step in recovery? Admitting you have an addiction?

Honestly, I hate the game. No. I love it. No, I take that back. I hate it. This is my routine with this game. I guess some could compare it to their high school sweetheart and the relationship you had with them. Back and forth. Back and forth.

The reasons why I love it are many. Let’s start there. I assure you the list of why I hate it is much, much bigger. We will start with the smaller list of the two.

It’s exciting. The gameplay is fun and exciting and it keeps my heart racing until the very end of a match. I love the two versus two player mode. You can team up with a complete stranger or a clan mate and hash it out against another set of strangers and it’s exhilarating! There are a ton of options to get your heart racing and playing these particular matches gives me a send of a companionship. Even if only very brief. I like the companionship and the team sort of thing. It’s great when I see the little “rematch” button at the bottom of the screen after a great match, flashing, asking for more.”Oh, they liked me. They want to play again! Yay!” Rematch accepted. On one occasion we ran the board for about ten matches and I felt a friendship brewing. Until it was interrupted by a message from my new friend telling me he had to go. Damn it. I thought we really had something there. Oh well. On to the next match. After sitting and playing for awhile, I realise that my dish water is now cold and the house next to me completely burned to the ground, without my knowledge. The kids have already come home from school and made their own dinner and I haven’t moved from the couch. Man, time really does fly when you’re having fun.

This game will surely ruin my engagement. I have two years to plan our wedding so I have a ton of time to make it up to him. Wait, what day is this? What year? Shit. Let me rephrase that. I have 6 months and 14 days to plan our wedding. Plenty of time to get this relationship back on track.

Another reason I love the game is the frequent and different challenges they offer. They host these fun little challenges to compete against other players for a special reward. Sometimes the rewards are a new card release or a chest of magical proportions. Sometimes, I play all day, and use all of my gems, and win nothing. That’s the thing about this game and the people that created it, they know better. The ones behind the scenes don’t play, they aren’t allowed to play. They know that it can ruin your life. Before working for the company you have to sign something that says you will not play, no matter the temptaion. Right? It has to work like that. I’m not reading about anyone behind the scenes ruining their lives. Therefore, they just don’t play.

I had a gazillion gems saved once and spent them all on a challenge that I never did win. Wait. This belongs in the reasons why I hate the game list. I am getting way ahead of myself. Back track.

Actually, I think I handled the love list like a champ and covered all of my bases. Honestly, I don’t care if I missed something because when I started this post. I was mad. At the game. So there is that little bit of info.

I don’t have all night to list the many many reasons why I hate the game so I’m just going to list the top few.

I hate that you can earn one crown and for the clan crown chest challenge and reap the full benefits. Yes. That is correct. I called off of work to play and get crowns so we finished at the top. You got one. I am lying to my boss to get this shit done so you can open that precious chest? I don’t think so. It makes me livid. Does it mean nothing to you that I could lose my job to get you that chest? Obviously not.

So, these are the moments that I could literally break my phone into two million tiny slivers. So, you are playing a two versus two match. It’s not going so well at first but thats okay. We will come back. We’ve got this. Wait. Where did you go? Really?? “Your teammate has left the battle!” Whaaaat? Seriously, is this how you handle life? Things get tough or someone fights back and you just flee the scene? I bet you also have ten kids that you never see or pay child support for. I bet you live in a one room apartment by yourself and don’t get invited to your family gatherings anymore either. I can’t help but to think you’re that guy. That girl. Whatever gender you may be, you have some issues that you have ran from at some point. Shit, probably been running your whole life. “What? You’re pregnant? Well it’s not mine”. So you say. “My mom is in the hospital, I’ll see later tonight and we will get this all sorted out.” Only to never see you again. And I knew you were lying. You don’t have a mother. So, some advice. Stop running. If you leave me in a match to fend for myself, I will find you. I will find you and I will slap you with a baby powder hand. Try me.

And this message is to Super Cell (the creator of the game). Stop matching me up with people that out rank me, by like, a lot. Its just not fair. Your pairing system really sucks. I’m I’m regular match I don’t mind it so much. It’s the challenge matches that it really matters. You let me get my hopes up and let me win 7 matches in a row, and then you pair me with someone that is far superior than I. I know life isnt fair. My mother taught me that years ago. I learned that about many things, but this game shouldn’t be one of them. I know all about shit not being fair. Trust me. Ask my 7 children about fairness. Also. Ask them who their father’s are. Actually leave that question out because they dont know the answer to that. I don’t know the answer to that. Anyways, thats beside the point.

So, the conclusion is this, I love to play this game. It has ruined my life and I don’t think I can come back from that. I have bought 16 new phones because of this game. My money is gone. My family thinks I have a drug problem and I am to afraid and ashamed to tell them the truth. Let them think what they want. Just know this. I will always be a fan. I will always hate you. See you in the arena!


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